image: “Spice Girls in Toronto” by Eric Mutrie
We must begin this month’s edition by extending our deepest regret to inform you that Daesh are still blowing innocent civilians up. The people of Lahore, Istanbul, Brussels, Iskanderia, Maiduguri, Peshawar, Ankara and Grand Bassam are in our thoughts, despite the mostly being overlooked by the western media outlets.
We must also inform you that Britain will finally complete its transformation into a Victorian country. One of the most inept budgets of all time, in terms of generating money to clear the deficit, a Tory pledge may I add, will deliver nothing but further inequalities within society. The only piece of good news for anyone but a business owner or wealthy individual is for young people, well, anyone under 40. The lifetime ISA will return 25% on the amount (up to £4000) that you save each year. Yay! Subtext: young people, you’re going to get screwed over on your pension, so here’s a token gesture for when we say I told you so in 40 years’ time.
In other sad news, Asad Shah, a Glaswegian shopkeeper was stabbed and killed by a fellow Muslim after he wished his Christian customers a happy Easter. Our thoughts are with his family.
However, one man will not tarnish British attitudes. Okay, two men. This is because the monumental douchebaggery of Matthew Doyle, the mealy-mouthed spunk bucket incited racial hatred after confronting a Muslim woman a day after the Brussels attack.
@MatthewDoyle31 – I confronted a Muslim women yesterday in Croydon. I asked her to explain Brussels. She said “Nothing to do with me”. A mealy mouthed reply.
But British defiance pulled through. The online replies to Doyle’s idiocy was outstanding.
@RupertMyers – I confronted Croydon and asked it to explain @MatthewDoyle31 . Nobody had heard of him. A mealy mouthed reply.
@robbiereviews – I confronted a man who was eating a bowl of muesli yesterday in Croydon. He said “mmfflfffmufflrgh”. A mealy mouthed reply.
@Pandamoanimum – I confronted Ronan Keating yesterday in Croydon. I asked him you say it best when you say? He said “Nothing at all”. A mealy mouthed reply.
And that’s what makes Britain so great. We’ve kept Boaty McBoatface as the favoured name for the epic £200,000,000 boat that will take its maiden voyage next month. The fact that when the Spice Girls asked its fans where they’d like their first show to be, we said Baghdad. Keep going Britain.
In April, Max’s second part about the refugee crisis was due to feature. Unfortunately, due to illness, Max’s article will be deferred until May. But, you can still find the first part can be viewed in the archive. In April, we are dealing with Priori veterans, as Hari, Yu Hsuan, Jack, Kieran, Arturo, Wint, Baris and Angela have all contributed before. However, the original Wix site will no longer be updated. Instead, everything will now be updated on this WordPress site, thanks to Bronwen and Shannon who will keep this site looking fresh.
As always, thank you for reading the Priori. If you’d like to contact any of the team, comment on their piece or email email@example.com.
Kestell Duxbury, Editor.